Hard Lessons

I was very ignorant when it came to female things. Apparently, my mom did not find it necessary to talk about those types of things. For example, when I first got my menstrual cycle, I for sure thought I was dying.

I am not sure why I was on antibiotics; however, I was on them. I even followed the instructions and took them all. A bit into it, not sure how long, I was experiencing an issue I had never experienced before. My mom had already passed away by this point. I was not going to ask any of my sisters, that was too embarrassing.  We will call my friend Lu, I worked with her, she is older than me by several years. So, I worked up the nerve to ask her. Mind you, these are not conversations I ever wanted to discuss with anyone. I said Hey lu, I am pretty sure I have an issue with my lady bits (Yes, I am 5, I said lady bits). I don’t remember if it burned and itched or just itched. I do know it was awful. Lu said oh you have a yeast infection. Just go to CVS, get Monistat and take it, that will clear it up in a day or two. I am mortified, I do not even know if I knew what a yeast infection was. So, I go to CVS and do exactly as she had instructed me to do. I take the Monistat, wait a few days and if anything, it is worse. Now I must go back to lu and discuss this super embarrassing situation again. She said hmm that is odd. I have never had to do it more than once. She told me to go back to CVS and take another Monistat. I do exactly that, wait a few days, still, awful. Once again back to lu. This time she says oh my, I don’t understand it has always worked for me. She said you’re going to have to go to the doctor, they have stronger stuff. Now I must go explain this situation to my male doctor.  So, I told him I have tried Monistat twice and it did not work. He gave me the little miracle pill and ta da cleared up. I think nothing of the entire situation. Years pass, evidently chest pains during menstrual cycle are also not normal. I ended up having to have my gall bladder removed the old fashion way because it was so bad, and I gangrene. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.  I was in the hospital for some time because I was full of infection. When I came home, I came home on antibiotics. Not knowing that it was the antibiotics that caused the first issue. From the iv antibiotics and the oral antibiotics, my lady bits acted up again. I tell Amy, she sends her husband, to the store to get Monistat. I said I will try it, but last time it did not work. She hands me the box; I go to the sink and get a glass of water. I proceed to open the box and in my true fashion, grab the horse pill out and chuck the box in the trash all while telling Amy how several years ago, same issue, I took Monistat twice and ended up still having to go to the dr. I open the pill up, and go to plop it in my mouth, Amy looks at me funny and goes woah woah woah. I said what? She asked me what I was doing, I said taking the Monistat. She took the horse pill from my hand; she cannot say a word because her and her mom are laughing hysterically. I am standing there dumbfounded; I have no idea what is so funny. It was one of those laughs that you’re clueless, but you start laughing anyway because other people are laughing and clapping like a heard of walrus. Amy sort of composed herself enough to spew out, did you actually swallow the Monistat the last time? I am still clueless, I said yes. Back to walrus clapping and laughing. She said omg, did you not read the instructions? I said what instructions? Lu told me to go buy it and take it, what more instructions do I need? Amy pulled the box back out of the trash and pulled a plastic thing out and asked me what it was for. Now how would I know? She said it was an applicator, applicator for what? Still laughing. She tells me the proper way to utilize Monistat. I am for sure not laughing anymore. Her and her mom could not stop laughing. Then points out exactly how dumb I am, she said, between donkey laughs and walrus clapping, you even told the doctor you took Monistat? Of course. I could not tell you if I ever actually used the Monistat the correct way or if I just went to the doctor. After she was able to pull herself together a little better, she told me how lucky I was to have not gotten sick, right back to donkey laughs and walrus claps for them. NOT me! There you have it, probably the only person EVER to have swallowed Monistat not once, but twice. No wonder it did not work. I spent years not knowing I had done it wrong,…… Waaaaaay wrong. Just an fyi, anytime I must take antibiotics, we go ahead and start with Diflucan. I cannot be trusted with Monistat. If you keep up with my blogs, you will soon learn that I truly do have to do and learn everything the hard way. Happy donkey laughs and walrus claps to you! To da loo