I realize that Amy does not have a code name, even though it is a moot point, I still had better give her one, or several. She would expect nothing less. Today she will be Punkin’ simply because it annoys her and well, in case you have not realized from all of my writings, that is how I roll. I wonder why she tolerates me too!
Punkin’ and mama Punkin’ (Amy’s mom), you will catch on) took papa Punkin’ to have a procedure done a few months ago that went haywire for papa Punkin’. This was an outpatient procedure that turned into a much bigger ordeal. Punkin and Mama were not prepared for this. Punkin’s children, who are grown, for this story we will call them mini-1, her oldest, mini-2, her youngest. Mini-1 lives near where Punkin and Mama were, thank goodness under these circumstances.
Mini-2 called me and said Hey, if I go down to take Punkin clothes, would you ride with me? I do not know if I have ever told either mini no; Mini 2 said she had to do a few things and grab Punkin’ clothes, then she would come and pick me up.
Mama Punkin’ does not live far from me. I had called Mama Punkin’ and asked if she wanted me to grab her so clothes. Mama Punkin’, in true mama fashion of never wanting to put anyone out, said “Oh no hon, thank you so much, I will be fine. In my true over-thinking fashion, I decided I would have Karen drive me to mama’s so that I can grab her some clothes.
I am not the person that you would ever want to pick out your clothing. I realize that it may be hard to believe, however, I have never been into fashion; I base my dress attire off comfort, practicality, and quite honestly, what will fit without launching a button like a lethal weapon. I am simple, with no variety. Variety makes me question my very existence when it comes to clothing. On the rare occasion that I wear something out of the norm for me; I find myself dwelling entirely too long. Does it match? I don’t think it matches, maybe it matches. I cannot figure it out; I then have to send pictures to Punkin’ and Mini-2 to ensure I do not look like a mess. As if I do not look a mess every other day (heavy eye roll). My sense of fashion consists of knowing that I should never wear black and navy blue together, black and brown, also a no go, pink and red, cannot do that either. One more fashion tip from me, the fashion police (sarcasm). Just because they make it in your size does not mean you should wear it.
I have never been comfortable going through anyone else’s things. I refuse to get into even Karen’s purse; I will carry that heavy thing a hundred miles for her to give me Tylenol. Getting mama clothes may not turn out well. Thankfully, mama’s sister-in-law was at her house tending to mama’s dogs. The search is on, just walking into mama’s room gives me anxiety, only because I am not a fan of sifting through other people’s things. A few things we struggled to find, like unmentionables. I am starting to fully panic on the inside, what if mama is someone who does not wear all the unmentionables? Will she still be mama? All these thoughts are flashing in my head, meanwhile, sister-in-law is carrying on conversation as if we are in line at the grocery store. I absolutely am not comprehending a single word being spoken. Listen, I am odd, I accept that, I cannot help it. Thankfully, sister-in-law finds the missing unmentionables. I am extremely uncomfortable with this entire situation that I put myself into. Sister-in-law is handing me these items as they are being found. When the unmentionables start coming my way, I can only focus on how uncomfortably awkward this is. I have no clue if the outer clothing, that people will actually see, matches. All I can think about is how I certainly do not want to be holding someone else’s unmentionables. In my mind that is an all-new level of breaching privacy. Sister-in-law with the missing piece says oh these are cute, take these. Holy cow, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die at that moment, I did not need to know that. You know what I am now wondering???? Why does mama need cute ones??? This has all been an unbelievably bad idea, one I did not think through. I absolutely know these are all normal things; however, we discovered several writings ago that I am a child. With everything gathered, and wadded up in my arms. I go to open the door and stop dead in my tracks. I ask sister-in-law if there is a bag or something we can put these in? I do not want to step foot outside the door holding all these things. The odds of anyone seeing me where mama lives, slim to none with none edging out slim. I have brought the awkward, uncomfortable, stressful, situation on myself. Sister-in-law found me a grocery bag, now I am set to go. I am not sure what my appearance was, however when I got back in the car where Karen had been waiting patiently, she asked if I was ok. I was probably sweating and pale. You would have thought that I had robbed a bank, I am fine, let’s just go. We get back to our house; Karen reminds me to get the bag of clothes. I am not touching that bag any more than I have to, I have invaded mama’s privacy enough. No, it is fine in the car until we leave.
I wait for Mini-2 to come pick me up. Mini-2 arrives; I grab my things from the house, stop by the car and grab the grocery bag that I cannot stop dwelling on. I throw that stuff in the back seat, out of sight, out of mind. The entire trip, now I am worried that mama is going to think that I am even more weird than she already knows I am all because of those “oh these are cute unmentionables.” Mama Punkin’ is what you would picture as a typical grandmother, kind and sweet. I could hand mama a vase, of what I think are beautiful flowers, however it will inadvertently be filled with thorns and poison ivy; of course, I do not realize they are thorns or poison ivy, but mama will. She will say oh hon, thank you so much, they are so beautiful.
Oh no, more panic, I realized that I will not even know if mama is thinking what on earth is wrong with you. We arrive where Punkin’ and mama are, I want these items away from me, not because there is anything wrong or unnatural about them, it is because I am an over-thinking child 95% of the time. I have turned something so simple into a catastrophe, as usual, I have done it to myself. Remember, prior to me going to get the clothes, Mama had said oh no hon you do not have to get me anything, I will be fine, not wanting to put anyone out. If I could only be an adult for thirty seconds, this should have been so simple. I just had a few roadblocks that threw me into rabbit holes. I crinkle the bag very tightly, what I think is nonchalantly, carry the items to mama and hand them off. I have planned how to handle it, yes, I am probably the only dang person who plans how to hand off clothes. I shoved it in her face as she was sitting in her car and very quickly said I brought you clothes, sister-in-law helped find them, really all I found was socks. That was the truth. I did not peep a word about the rest of the contents. The reason I only found socks is when I walked into Mama’s room, she had a decorative basket at the foot of her bed. The basket contained the socks. I am very particular about my socks. They all have to be perfectly matched and folded a certain way. I have everyday socks, casual, dress socks, cut the grass socks, you get the picture. Mama’s socks were not matched and not folded. Even though it bothered me, it was a welcomed distraction. I ask mama how she functions with her socks strewn about like that, mama just laughed like I was the weird one?!?!?!
Punkin’ and mama had not eaten all day due to the unforeseen circumstances involving papa. So, we are all going to take them to eat. I, Punkin’, mama, Mini-1, Mini-2 and baby Mini-2 go to the only open sit-down place to eat. It was a chain of some sort; I do not remember the name.
I must mention that it was not a busy time of the evening, the parking lot was pretty empty. It took mini-2 at least 10 tries to get her car parked. She was trying to get backed into a spot, back up, pull up, back up, pull up, so on and so forth. There was a lot running through my head that I so wanted to say to mini-2. For example, I remember my first time parking, or for the love of everything mighty, park already. However, mini-2, well, I am afraid of her too. It would be a very long walk home, or worse, she would side eye me the entire trip home and not say a word, just side eye. Then I remember, mini-1, mama and Punkin were in mama’s car. I don’t have to say a word, mini-1 has seen all of the parking attempt messes, mini-1 will say what I cannot. In mini-2 defense, vehicles try to park themselves now days, olive, her car, was trying to park herself. Mini-2 is insistent that it is not her, but olive that will not cooperate. Mini-2 finally gets olive in a spot, Mini-2 is telling me how olive could not decide because there are too many lines. I think to myself, mmmhmmm. I get out of the car and look, sure enough, it looks like they had hired a company of visually impaired painters to paint the lines. There were lines everywhere, poor Olive, the car was super confused. Good thing my mmmmhmmm was not out loud.
Mini-1 did not even wait for mini-2 to get all of the way out before she was wise cracking the parking attempts, yelling and laughing across the parking lot. I am really struggling to not laugh. If I laugh, I may as well have said all of the things I was thinking. Laughing will also give me a long walk home.
We go inside the restaurant and are taken to a table. Baby mini-2 is milk drunk, mini-2 is sitting beside him, Mini-1 whom I also love to annoy slides all of the way in, of course, I am going to sit by her. I do not see her as often, so I have to capitalize on every opportunity to annoy her. Punkin’ is not going to slide anywhere, thank goodness, she would make me act right and mess up my ploy to annoy Mini-1. Mama is sitting on my other side. I am trying to be annoying; it is a fine line I must balance to be annoying yet also catch up on how life is going for Mini-1. Not to mention, this has been a stressful outing for me. The waitress was extremely kind and bubbly for this hour of the night, another small group of people came in, and someone smelled really nice. I appreciate nice smells. I am now trying to figure out where the pleasant smell is coming from. Punkin’ is always leery of me addressing people in public. I do not even know what may spill out of my mouth half of the time. I am a work in progress. As I am trying to pinpoint the pleasant smell, the waitress had brought some things out. I am not sure what was missing but something was missing. I know it was not Punkin’s stuff; she could be missing her entire meal and not say a peep in fear of how I may address such a situation with the waitress. I catch the glare that Punkin’ shoots me when the words she forgot to bring came out of one of the mini’s mouths. The glare phases me none, Punkin’ is going to have to plow through mama to get to me. However, Punkin’ also has not witnessed how much I have tried to be and do better when speaking to others, I also had time to think things through as the waitress was gone for a few minutes. Now old me would have most likely obnoxiously gotten someone’s attention to remedy the situation. It is never intentional, in my head it was more of a no matter what your occupation is, do your best. I have learned that instead of that approach, I could be a bit gentler, maybe that is their best. I believe it is called compassion. I spot the waitress; I can feel Punkin glaring at me with a panicked look on her face when she realizes I have spotted the waitress. I very politely say excuse me ma’am, Punkin’ had the audacity to try to shut me down, not today Punkin. Ma’am, you forgot to bring, whatever it was, when you get an opportunity would you mind, yada yada. Panic stricken Punkin’ tilts her head in true Punkin’ fashion when I shock her with unlike me behaviors. The waitress of course apologized, I followed up with oh no, it is fine, no worries. I am certain that minus mama and milk drunk baby mini-2, jaws were hung open. Punkin’s swallowed hard, probably the huge lump that had mustered in fear of what I may say, and said wow good job, I am so proud of you. I get into my best appalled character and tell Punkin’, duh, I am a grown-up (if you have to remind people that you are a grown-up, you most likely are not). Punkin and the minis start laughing.
Lesson of the day is really my lesson, next time, send Karen to get the clothing, I am not mature enough to handle such situations.
Lesson 2, never be too old to lighten the mood. Always hang on to your inner child, maybe not to my extreme. Lastly, kindness and compassion cost nothing, sharing those two simple acts with someone else could change the trajectory of their day. You never know what someone else’s life looks like.
“Blessed are the merciful, as they will be shown mercy” (Matthew 5:7 NIV).
Toodle-oo!
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